The Taliban and the iPhone

February 23, 2009 -- Santa Monica, CA. It was only a matter of time. According to Al Jazeera, even the Taliban loves their iPhones. Mullah Zaif (pictured) says he's 'addicted' to his iPhone and that 'the Internet is great, very fast.' This comes as surprising news to many in Washington, as groups such as the Taliban or Hammas are known for damning all things Western.

So, why has the iPhone crossed ideological lines, when something like peace can't? It could be because one of the most infamous terrorists in the world is leading the charge. In an exclusive interview from a mountainous bunker, Osama bin Laden raved about his iPhone. "This 3G technology is brilliant. I bought iPhones for all my generals. We can surf the web all day long, the touch-pad is easy on the hands, and we love those YouTube videos, especially the skateboarding dog. But the best feature is the texting technology - it keeps us from getting tripped-up in those pesky wire taps the infidels like to set. Besides, texting makes it easy to coordinate attacks, and sexting late at night is the best."

Later in the interview, the Al Qaeda leader further expanded on his love for the iPhone. "You know, I spend hours in the app store. Those TV commercials are right; there's an app for just about anything. And I'm developing apps to help fund our glorious network so we can bring the Western devils to their knees. We're working on iAllah, iMartyr, Osamaicon Yourself, Burkah Babes, and Osama's Yo Momma Joke of the Day."

Pentagon sources see all of this as a golden opportunity. "This is a good start. The terrorists are beginning to see things our way. We just need to be patient. If we can get some DirecTV-HD units in Iran and Iraq, and maybe an NFL team with some hot cheerleaders in Afghanistan, we may be able to win the war for hearts and minds and break the terrorists' will."

While the reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog decided not to cover the war on terror a long time ago, we felt this story warranted coverage. As usual, we'll continue investigating and provide updates when news breaks.