Snuggie Star Has No One to Snuggle With
February 18, 2009 -- Santa Monica, CA. On the heels of Valentine's Day 2009 comes shocking and sad news from the entertainment world. Many don't know her by her real name, Jane DeNoble, but millions of Americans know her as the Snuggie babe. Jane DeNoble is that very attractive, spunky actress that brings the Snuggie to life in the infomercial everyone loves to hate.
The loveable Jane has quite the resume, which boasts numerous film, TV, and theater credits. And her acting talents have tuned the Snuggie into a cultural phenomenon. But it's what's not on her bio that is causing heartache across the nation. Jane DeNoble appears to be single. "How could this be? America's Snuggie star doesn't have anyone to snuggle with under a Snuggie? This just stinks! During such tumultuous times, we look to America's stars for hope. If Jane DeNoble can't land a man or woman, I'm afraid the economy and war may be the least of our worries," said Frannie the Granny, Senior Editor for All That Doesn't Matter magazine.
"When I see her vibrant smile and phenomenal acting in those Snuggie spots, even I want to snuggle with her. Who wouldn't want to snuggle with Jane? I'm saddened and perplexed as to why she, of all people, would be single. It will be America's next great tragedy if she's left cold and alone at night? I know there are many rumors out there, like the Snuggie people have brainwashed her and are hiding her in a basement, or that there is the possibility Jane has a man or even a family in hiding and maybe she just doesn't want to mention that on her bio, but I'll leave that stuff for the rumor mongers," said a well-known Hollywood talent agent who wishes to remain annonymous.
The reporters here at www.thankgodfortheinternet.blogspot.com/ will continue investigating this shocking news and we'll update you when news breaks. In the mean time, when you curl-up under your Snuggie this evening, we ask that you say a prayer for Jane and ask God to undo this injustice.
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6 comments:
Not to fear - Jane aka "The Snuggie Lady" is not crying over that the fact that she has no one to snuggie with. How do you know that no one is at this moment snuggling with her in a new zebra print Snuggie? Maybe she hasn't found anyone 'snug-worthy' to share a Snuggie with. It's not a tragedy that there is no one permanent filling a Snuggie with her - she is not lonely or alone. She has lots of friends, family, and potential suiters. I'm her sister, so I know all of this to be true. We're not in hiding, maybe just hibernating in our Snuggies for the winter - wait, now it's Spring, so we are shedding our Snuggies and out and about. But I digress. Tell Nanny the Granny that all is right with the world and not to get her panties in a punch - Jane has plenty of company to keep her warm at night. His name is Chubbie - her cat. And if she so chooses to share her Snuggie with someone, I will let you know! And just so you're not wondering, it would be a man-snug!
Is Jane accepting applications for the snuggle-bunny counterpart role?
Gee, she makes it seem so warm and snuggly ... perfect place to be in this tumultuous times. Potential suitors ? Cannot she make up her mind ?
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