Burger King's Angry Whopper Sparks Outrage Among Onion Groups, Claims of Onionism.

February 17, 2009 -- Santa Monica, CA. Onion lovers around the world are uniting for one of their most vicious legal fights ever. The new battle is against fast food giant, Burger King. In late 2008, the home of the Whopper introduced a new offering, The Angry Whopper. According to advertisements, the burger features angry onions. Further, television commercials seen in the United States insinuate farmers brutalized baby onions so they'd grow-up to become angry. Therein lies the controversy which has sparked outrage among onion enthusiasts.

According to a recent lawsuit, the "angry onion" claim has ignited fury and allegedly triggered emotional pain and suffering from onions and onion lovers across the globe. Craig "Ass Mouth" Black, Senior VP of Onions For Peace and the co-author of the civil lawsuit against Burger King, had this to say on the matter. "Burger King has crossed the line and they must apologize immediately. Onions are not angry; they are peace-loving vegetables. I've been raising onions since I was a little boy, and I've also saved thousands of onions from certain death, due to infertile ground. I can tell you this with certainty: I've never encountered onion behavior that could be described as angry. Such a claim is baseless, irresponsible and dangerous, as is the notion that some onion farmers would abuse baby opinions with the hope of them growing up angry. Onions don't start wars or spread disease, they're only guilty of tirelessly and thanklessly working hard to make our salads, chili, steaks, liver, and even our burgers taste better. Burger King's assertion that onions are, or could be, angry, is factually inaccurate and grossly irresponsible. This wreaks of onionism, and we won't sit here idle without confronting such outrageous accusations."

On Monday, February 16, 2009, COOL (the Coalition of Onion Lovers) filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court against Burger King. The suit, which cites emotional distress and defamation, is demanding $100,000,000,000,000 in damages. While such a civil lawsuit figure is unprecedented and rises above the United State's national deficit, Larry Scallion, CEO of RMCOT (Real Men Cry Onion Tears), said this. "Burger King will sell hundreds of thousands of their Angry Whoppers based on hype, empty rhetoric, and onionism to the unsuspecting public. Consumers are not expected to know the ins-and-outs of onion personality. Therefore, it's unfair to label consumers culprits in such vulgar and greedy behavior. However, Burger King knows what it's doing. It's only fair these corporate zealots realize the err of their ways, apologize, and turn over all profits from such smut to the hard working farmers and onion lovers around the globe. If not, the innocent victims of this ugliness will be pushed further into the darkness of today's brutal society. It's 2009 - gays can marry, an African American is president and the most popular figure in the world, and even American Idol is still alive; it's high time onion persecution be stopped with a loud and clear message. If we let Burger King get away with this, what's next? Kinky Cheese on a Sex Burger. This is not just a fight for innocent onions, it's a battle to save the world."

When asked to comment on the lawsuit, Burger King declined. The reporters here at www.thankgodfortheinternet.blogspot.com/ will continue investigating this shocking news and we'll update you when news breaks.