Jason Wants to Kill Madea

February 21, 2009 -- Santa Monica, CA. Hollywood is buzzing today as word leaked out that slasher killer, Jason Voorhees wants to violently kill Grandma Madea for knocking Friday the 13th out of the top spot at the box office. Madea Goes To Jail should easily take the top spot this weekend, forcing Friday the 13th and Jason to take a plunge.

Last night, while out drinking at the Chop House, Jason was overheard saying he was going to find Madea and kill her in a way the world will never forget, as payback for knocking him out of the top spot at the box office. He went on to say he may go after Tyler Perry and slash his ass, too. Later in the evening, Jason was spotted buying a brand new chainsaw and long knives from a dealer on Crenshaw Blvd. Authorities fear Jason is out looking for Madea right now.

As word of the threat emerged, Madea fans gathered this morning and began to pray together. "I am so scared for Madea, I don't want her to die or be cut up into pieces," said Jenni Shamrock. Another in the crowed expressed anger. "Jason is a bully and he's just jealous of Madea. He's been killing innocent people for too long and it's time for him to be stopped. We're going to ban together and go find him. He may take a few of us down, but we'll eventually get him for this."

As our reporters were leaving the Madea gathering, they came across a large man named Thor. He served time in prison with Madea; fans may recognize him from Madea Goes To Jail. He shared his displeasure with the situation and assured us he's going to try and protect the loveable Madea, and said he has a special shank with Jason's name on it.

The reporters at www.thankgodfortheinternet.blogspot.com/ will continue following this breaking story and we'll update you when more news breaks. In the mean time, we ask all of you to pray for Madea's safety.