Correction: Crime Does Pay,

Reports of Fraud, Brainwashing

March 3, 2009 -- Santa Monica, CA. Students, parents, teachers, and government officials are fuming mad, seeking legal action, and they want America's textbooks re-written immediately. The fuss is over the long-held belief, 'crime doesn't pay,' being proven as untrue.

"This is a massive fraud that has global ramifications. And it's been going on for generations. Look at the headlines. Bernie Madoff got paid billions and is living in a swanky penthouse. Chris Brown was riding jet-skis in Miami this weekend. A-Rod's still playing ball. Osama is rich and running free in the hills. And now impeached Governor Rod Blagojevich gets a six-figure book deal? This is proof that crime does pay. How am I supposed to explain this to my 9-year-old," asked a furious parent as she picked up her daughter from school.

Officials are seeking an injunction which would prevent teachers from ever telling students that crime doesn't pay. And lobbyists are pleading with the courts to have every textbook re-written with 'honesty.' When asked about the controversy, a Roosevelt teacher said, "I feel terrible and want to stab myself. I've been following the curriculum and textbooks here at school, and it all clearly says crime doesn't pay. But that's obviously wrong. I feel so bad for my students. They've been lied to all along."

School administrators and textbook authors across the country are being subpoenaed and may face felony counts of fraud and willful deception. "The Bush administration may have looked the other way, but we won't. We're going to nail these liars and thugs who have been brainwashing our children," said the lawyer for the plaintiffs.

The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog are still shocked by this story, we're now wondering what else isn't true, but we'll continue investigating and provide updates when news breaks.