Obama Prefers Coke, Pepsi Freaks Out

March 5, 2009 -- Santa Monica, CA. If you thought November's Presidential election was ugly, you aint seen nothing yet. America's soft drink wars have taken a nasty political turn. In a surprising admission in a Time magazine article, a White House official said administration staffers prefer Coke. He further fanned the flames by questioning, "Don't most Americans?"

News of this has left Pepsi scrambling to save face, and crying foul. A Pepsi truck driver said, "Obama promised bipartisanship, honesty, and transparency. This reminds us of Watergate. It sounds like the same old Washington politics and we want an immediate investigation into what staffers are really drinking. He went on to say, "Our research clearly shows Americans prefer Pepsi, that our products can be found inside the White House, and one of my stops is on Capitol Hill. The assertion by an anonymous staffer that Coke is preferred is simply outrageous. We'd like an apology from Obama and Time magazine to identify its source, so he or she can be sent to Guantanamo for such malicious crimes."

But the story takes another twist as Coke officials are now accusing Pepsi of false advertising. A secretary in Coca Cola's legal headquarters said, "Pepsi markets itself as 'the choice of a new generation.' How can that be if Obama, 'the voice of a new generation,' prefers Coke? This doesn't add up. Pepsi is lying to America. We expect Pepsi to cease and desist their marketing efforts and turn over all profits that came from advertising these lies."

Authorities monitoring this story are fearful it will ignite another soda pop war like we saw in '70s. The events saw loyal fans fighting in the streets with bottles and cans. The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog will continue monitoring this story and provide updates when news breaks.